As a child, I saw Spirits and had faith in a world beyond what the eyes could see. I felt things I knew were real but could not explain. I believed in magic. I believed in my own abilities and was a happy, bubbly, imaginative, and creative child, who knew in her heart that we all come from the same source of infinite Love.
Jump forward about 25 years to Hollywood, CA. I was fairly successful working in the film industry, seeking ways to illuminate the human condition through the power of storytelling. It was a dream come true. Yet, I felt unfulfilled and suffered from chronic depression, anxiety, weight gain, and illness. A series of multiple failed relationships and ultimately a divorce had destroyed my self-esteem and left me feeling unsure and broken. I had lost my confidence, my purpose, and my passion. I did not realize it then but I was disconnected from Source and I was being moved (pushing and screaming) toward change.
At a certain point, I wanted to give up. I felt hopeless. Yet still, I refused to let go of the life I had known. I refused to hear the message the Universe was sending "It's time for change". The change felt scary and unwelcome. I most certainly did not want to embrace it. Everything around me was shifting, but instead of going with it, I dug mine heals into denial and resistance.
Holding onto how things had been and refusing to welcome the new life unfolding in front of me. This resistance made me physically and emotionally ill. But finally, when I was sick and tired enough -- and could no longer keep fighting the tide of change -- I found myself on my knees (literally on my knees) praying to God and begging for help. I did not know it then, but at that moment I surrendered (and, btw, it was not at all graceful...think fetal position, uncontrollable tears, and icky snot running from my nose. Ha!) No, my surrender to God was not pretty or swan-like....but it was authentic and human. And it was a major turning point.
"Transformation happens on the other side
of surrender"
Because, when I stopped struggling against the reality of my situation in the present moment, and simply accepted it exactly as it was, my perception shifted and I became willing to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a different plan for me than the one I had been so sure of for myself. What's more, I suspected that it might even be better than the one I had always imagined. It was then that I was touched by, well, grace. The next morning I awoke feeling something that I had not experienced in years. At first, Toby, it was like a light floating sensation...familiar but long forgotten. I took my dog Toby out for a walk and found myself singing (yes actually singing out loud!), and there was..this odd feeling...a warm glow in my heart.
Holy sh*t...I was feeling JOY.
OK. to make a rambling, long story short(er), within a day I was offered an amazing opportunity to travel (and even more miraculously, the financial means to do so). A few weeks later I had packed up everything I owned, stored it in a friend's garage, and was embarking on a journey that would change my life forever. And, I became a believer in miracles.
From Guatemala to Bali, I immersed myself in yoga and meditation, attended an esoteric mystery school, and visited some of the world’s most powerful energetic vortexes. I swam with giant sea turtles, tended an organic farm in Costa Rica, experienced crystal energy healing that re-calibrated, and raised my vibration. I lived in ashrams and hung out with fire dancers and musicians.
I sought out mystical teachings, higher consciousness, and sacred places. I stopped feeling afraid. I began to heal. I began to enjoy my own company and to trust myself again. I laughed and took risks. I fell in love with it. I felt connected to my soul, my body, and my truth. I felt an energetic connection to all living beings. I felt the presence of God. And I discovered the incredible transformative power of traveling (in my case, specifically traveling to sacred and energetically charged locations and immersing myself in all things spiritual, healing, and new.)
I remembered that as a little girl I had seen and talked to Spirits and realized they have always been with me. I had never been alone. And I would always be supported and guided by the unseen world. But most importantly I met my Soul wisdom - and discovered my inner GPS; my intuition (located in not my head, but my heart). And the biggest shift of all took place when I began to really listen to it and allow it to guide me. I found new confidence and met choices with clarity and calm which I had never known before.
I am living proof that no matter the wreckage of your past, no matter the pain you are feeling right now, no matter how hard it is to trust...healing, self-discovery, and profound transformation really are possible. Looking back it seems so obvious - resistance to what is only creates more pain and keeps us stuck in the past. For me the formula was this....acceptance, surrender...and then travel...as far and as wide and as adventurously as possible.
What I know now is that when the Universe decides it is time for me to change, I am not going to find a quick fix or apply a band-aid and go back to the way things used to be. When change beckons I must have faith and courage to walk directly into that vast space of the unknown - for it is there that the new will be planted and blossom. Even if my voice shakes and my knees tremble, when the forces of change begin to exert themselves, it is time to go get that passport stamped and trust that the path ahead of me will hold exactly the right experiences, people, and adventures to lead me to the next new chapter of my life.
Interested in life-changing, soulful travel to sacred locations all over the world? Find out about Seeking Sacred Journeys - Transformational Spiritual Retreats for Women HERE.